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Dear Gizmo

Dear Gizmopolitan,

Help! I need advice and I need it now. I have a terrible problem and I do not know what to do. The problem is I am nearly Eighteen, very pretty and I have suddenly become an awful flirt. This was not a problem at first, I rather enjoyed discovering how easy it was to get guys to help me out on quests and adventures, and how generous they were with little gifts and presents. First, I met a Princely Paladin called Adelpha. He bought me drinks and walked me to the end of the pier in Menethil, under the twinkling stars and a radiant full Moon. We danced, we talked, we had a tentative kiss. It was lovely. Of course Adelpha being a male and not a very good paladin, the very next day I found him cavorting with another female warlock! Well, believe me I made him suffer for that. He managed to redeem himself by showering me with gifts. But just the other day, he presented me with a ring! Very nice it was, but not as nice as the rings I already have. And then it dawned on me, I think, in his endearingly insecure way, he might have been proposing. He didnít actually say that, but he did have a puppy dog expression while handing over the ring. I almost laughed because he was wearing that stupid chainmail hood that hides his curly blonde locks, Iíve told him often, itís just not him.

Now, it gets complicated, because later that evening I had a date with a new member of my Guild, the rascally, roguish Ramsel. One has to socialize with new members, and I thought this might be a nice gesture of friendship. He took me to a classy Inn, bought me a drink and presented me with a single red rose. He is a fast worker this rogue. Not only that, he presented me with a beautiful black dress heíd made himself. I tried it on right away. I can honestly say I looked stunning in that little black number. Ramsel too looked utterly dashing in his tuxedo, while he told me of his noble upbringing, being kidnapped by pirates and serving as a galley slave for 16 years (Heís 24 by the way). I didnít believe a word of it of course, but he is awfully cute, a smartly dressed ruffian and an absolute cad. Sounds perfect doesnít he? Sigh.

I looked stunning in that little black number
I looked stunning in that little black number

Girls, the story is not over yet, it gets worse. Yesterday, in Stormwind, I met by chance one of the Guildís senior members, the Archmage Alundai. A really lovely, helpful guy, even though heís a lot older than me. He said heíd made me a new dress, would I like it? As you well know, a girl canít have enough of new clothes and I could not possibly refuse. I unwrapped the parcel to find the most exquisite, delicate, silky white dress. Alundai was the perfect gentlemen and held up his cloak while I stripped off and put on the new dress. I can tell you that I have never looked more gorgeous. Every other guy in the street turned and stared! I was happily basking in the general glow of admiration, and then I realized the shocking truth! He had given me a wedding dress...

I have never looked more gorgeous
I have never looked more gorgeous

Oh, did I forget to mention Bouzaar, the strong silent warrior of our Guild, best friend of my father, Anjam, High Priest of the Guild. Oh no, now Iíve run out of space. Letís leave that one for next time.

HELP!

Yours etc
Miss Phyrne Wallace
(Warlock)

Advice from Chit
(Sound of grinding teeth.)

Dear Phyrne,

You have no idea how moved I was by your description of the problems you are facin with your tangled love life. Happily I have come up with a flawless solution! All you hafta do is drink a small glass of drain cleaning fluid. No, make that several large glasses, I am sure you would not want to pennypinch on achieving a permanent solution to your problems! I can assure you that this solution would improve your scintillatin personality no end, and would have the additional beneficial effect of making you a brilliant listener (and we know how men love one of those!). It would certainly enable you to create a most desirable end to your current problems. I am sure that some of us nice girls WITHOUT BOYFRIENDS would be willing to tidy up the loose ends by takin the gentlemen off your (happily motionless) hands and consoling them for their loss.

I am told that 'Supadrain' is a palatable brand, if not to your taste, just hold your nose while sluggin it down.

Chit

Advice from Awyin

Hello Phyrne,

You have quite the problem here I see. But do not worry, we Gizmogirls always have a solution! If you do not wish to go with Chit's advice, then I have the perfect end to your worries. During my travels to photograph everything romantic in Azeroth, I myself found a quite handsome man. (Too bad he was a eunuch. *Sighs*) Anyhow, he was a great alchemist, and taught me a very rare formula. And I think that potion would be just perfect for you. If you drink it at the beach, the name of the one your heart truly desires is spelled into the sand. (It shocked me the first time I tried it.) (Giggles) Then you will know who you really want.

Oh, and send the ones which you do not pick my way. (Smirks)

Awyin Willowheart

Advice from Ashdew

Dear Phyrne, sweety,

I totally understand your predicament! I mean Elune knows how many times I've been in your shoes. It is so hard to choose between so many admirers; I mean how do you know if you are making the right choice? What if you regret it later? Couldn't you keep all of them?

By the way don't try to be with all of them like I did once. They found out and decided they had to duel to the death and I ended up all alone after they all died for my love. It was horrible! It took me 2 weeks to find another man of the right standard.

So my advice for you is: pick one randomly! And don't worry, something better will always come along for girls as good as us.

Oh and by the way, I wouldn't advise you to pick Ramsel; he doesn't seem to be such a good choice. You'd better give me his address so I can ...uh... talk some sense into him. Did you say he is 24?

Yours truly,
Ashdew


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