Product Testing Lab Report : Toys For Ladies

By Chit

Photos by Iralla

Well as we all know us ladies have to get some rest an relaxation an just simple fun from time to time and sad to say not all of us have an attentive boyfriend to snuggle up to. This is even true of some Gizmo Editors, despite trailin round in Aylania's wake smiling prettily an tryin to snag some of her castoffs which I thought quite a clever strategy though sadly it has not worked to date as I seem to lack the key skills of admiring muscles an needing to be carried across rivers which are so prized by Ayla’s boyfriends…

So if you are an adventurous lady with personality an guts who is temporarily between boyfriends, we here at Gizmo are providin you our reader with a public service! We have sent our intrepid researchers out scouring the land for some toys for the lady who is havin to stay home alone, tossin an turning in her bed thinkin about that bastard who never calls you anymore and who you saw only the other day pretendin not to notice you while being charmingly attentive to some vacuous elf with big erm accessories who has not yet seen through him.

And - we present the first results from the boffins in our Product Testing Lab!

Westfall Doll - 6/10

First up is this sweet little number for the lady who wants comfort more than excitement after a hard day’s stabbing and blasting. A little on the small side unless you are a gnome, this one has the big advantage that you can safely fall asleep with it without havin a nasty shock when you are havin an exciting dream an roll over on top of it.

Molten Core Mechanical Chicken - 3/10

Now this toy can only be acquired by a lady of experience. Obviously this toy has quite different attractions. Large an sturdy, yet strangely like a mechanical chicken in appearance, it is clearly a thing of beauty – yet this toy is only for persons with particular tastes. To be frank, this toy looks PAINFUL. You will get some strange looks if you buy it an quite right too. While there are always some people to whom this type of stuff appeals, I personally would think it most useful for using on the bastard who never calls you anymore, assuming you can briefly get him back in your clutches.

Zul'Gurub Landfish - 8/10

Lastly a more active toy altogether, this one really feels ALIVE an will give you hours of fun. Sadly a design fault means this toy has a tendency to start up in the middle of the night an wake you up, or even embarrassingly go for a stroll on the landing when you will hafta deny all knowledge of it to the innkeeper. Its restless floppin action is novel and exciting, but you gotta ask yourself, can you afford the batteries?